Annie seems to have a vendetta against all vacuums. When she was a puppy she chewed through the cord to the vacuum twice – once while it was plugged in! Except for the time it was plugged in, we never caught her in the act. You see, like any good psychopath, she only exhibits psychotic behavior when no one else is around. How do we know? As usual, we find the evidence that she was not clever enough to conceal.
Take, for example, Exhibit A. Exhibit A was found after a typical day when the she-beast was left home alone. Actually Guinness was here too, but he spends his days laying directly under his air conditioner in the laundry room. He also hasn’t chewed so much as a stick since we’ve had him, so we’re pretty sure that Annie was to blame.
As usual with things Annie has destroyed, the root cause was entirely our fault. Upon clearing a clog of surprisingly black-only newf hair, Lauren pulled the yellow filter piece out and left it on her dresser. She left it there absent-mindedly as she tried to diagnose what would turn out to be a completely failed vacuum cleaner. That would be dead vacuum cleaner number 38 in our house for those keeping score at home. For those ready to suggest a brand or model, rest assured, we’ve tried them all. They all suck, just like my puns.
With vacuum cleaner #38 out of the picture, Annie no doubt assumed that her ongoing scheme could proceed as planned. It wouldn’t surprise me if phase two included the entire tri-state area. Annie is not a small-scale plan type of dog you see. Her plan, though, was foiled once more when Lauren brought home vacuum #39.
As with every new vacuum we buy, Lauren exclaimed at the magnificent power of the machine, and the ease at which it picked up ferret-dog fur. They’re all great machines before a few weeks of Newf hair ruins them. While Lauren vacuumed, Annie looked on with a frown, her brain whirring with schemes. Guinness remained in the laundry room, soothed by the mechanical hum of his beloved air conditioner. With the floors once again devoid of fur, all was well with the world. Or so we thought.
Annie seems to have curtailed her vacuum cleaner destruction habits for the time being, which is good, because I’m tired of paying for vacuums. I mean it’s bad enough having dog hair clog and destroy vacuums, but having your vacuum eaten is really just too much. Seriously – who has these kinds of problems?
I think she’s figured out that we’re on to her diabolical plan. Either that or the spiders told her to stop. Either way, I don’t envision a happy ending. Actually, I can envision sucking the spiders up with the spider-wand vacuum attachment while sporting my freshly brushed suede smoking jacket. Yes, that ending would make me happy, so long as there are no crumbs in my hair.
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2 thoughts on “Annie and the Vacuum”
Have popped over from Litopia to say hello. Didn’t know what to expect but loved reading your blog and Annie’s destruction of vacuum cleaner parts. How she managed to find the yellow thingy amongst all your wife’s jewellery is a mystery and indicates purpose in Annie’s antics. You are not imagining this, there is no co-incidence she has vendetta against cleaners.
Love to Annie and Guinness and good luck with next cleaner!
I must tell you how I enjoyed your stories and blogs. We have a beautiful boy named Kelcey who has just turned one and he continues to make us laugh. Previously I owned a Newf named Sambo and sadly he left us way too young.
I am the editor of a regional small town newspaper that is in its beginning stages and would be honoured if you would allow me to print some of your stories and blogs with pictures of your beautiful fur kids.
Please send me a note, as I said, I would love to have you as one of my writers so that people can love and laugh with these amazing dogs as we newf lovers do!